Crazy for Clopin
by Opaque Opal
Summary: What happens when 3 crazy Clopin admirers try to come between the close friendship of Clopin and Esmeralda? Rated T for cat-fighting, randomness, and innuendos. Please R&R!


**A/N: This was inspired by a random "fight" on our forum called All Things Hunchback. So therefore, I hereby dedicate this fanfiction to LazyChestnut and ForestWater. Hope you enjoy!**

**OH! One more thing, I know how in the book/movie how Esmeralda and Clopin have a big age difference. But here, they're about two years apart. **

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It was a warm April morning in the Court of Miracles. The innumerable people of various origins were going about their daily lives. Women were concocting various incenses while children chased each other around. A gypsy girl around sixteen or so was walking casually around. Her wild mane of black hair was tied back with a pink ribbon and her purple skirt swayed as she walked. Boldly, she knocked on a caravan door and waited quietly for it to open. A plump but good-natured woman beamed down at her.

"Why hello Esmeralda! What can I do for you?" she said kindly.

"I was looking for Clopin. Is he around?" Esmeralda asked.

"Hold on one minute," she promised, holding up a finger. Turning inside the house, she began to holler, "OY CLOPIN! GET YOUR PANTY-HOSE COVERED ASS OUT HERE NOW!" The Prince of Gypsies came into the doorway, blushing furiously.

"Mother! You're embarrassing me!" he protested as Esmeralda fought hard not to giggle. As usual, the eighteen year old boy before her looked quite sexy. He wore a purple tunic over black tights with a matching hat. His brown eyes sparkled and his black hair hung at his shoulders. A goatee was starting to form on his chin and his nose was quite pointy.

"That's my job," Clopin's mother said proudly, puffing out her chest, "Have fun you two!"

"Finally, she's gone!" Clopin grumbled as she shut the caravan door. Esmeralda rolled her eyes. Even though Clopin didn't admit it, he was the biggest mama's boy in the whole Court of Miracles.

"So what do you want to do?" Esmeralda asked as they walked around. Most of the gypsies around them smiled sweetly.

"I don't know, but I hate how everyone thinks we're dating!" Clopin said.

"Well eventually the Court is going to need a Princess of Gypsies," Esmeralda teased playfully, nudging him on the arm.

"Yes, and that's going to be me!" said a voice. The pair spun around and were looking at three disgruntled gypsy girls their own age. The one who had spoken was quite plump with a black and green colored dress.

"Quit sounding so confident Kamaria! He obviously likes me more!" snapped one of the gypsies. She was quite tall, had a large bosom, and her dress was yellow.

"Why would anyone like you, Nysa? You're the ugliest out of all of us," Kamaria snorted, looking at her with distaste.

"If it helps, I think you're all quite beautiful!" said the last gypsy, blinking innocently. She was wearing a red dress andwhile her bosom was quite small, she had a big heart.

"Stop being such a kiss-up Chesna!" Nysa growled. Clopin and Esmeralda watched their bickering with great amusement. Barely able to keep straight faces, they fell to the ground and started to laugh hysterically.

"What's so funny?" Chesna asked, still looking innocent.

"You guys are all fighting over Clopin like he's some kind of doll!" Esmeralda chortled, slapping her knee with glee.

"You're wrong Esmeralda," Nysa challenged, glaring at her.

"What do you mean?" Esmeralda asked.

"You see," said Kamaria, stepping back into the conversation, "if we were fighting over Clopin like a doll it would look something like this!" Violently, she yanked Clopin to his feet and tried to seduce him.

"Come Clopin! You know you love me," she teased, grabbing his butt.

"HEY! I WANT TO TOUCH HIS ASS!" Nysa screeched, yanking Clopin out of Kamaria's grasp.

"NO! I WANT TO!" Chesna whined.

"Ladies, ladies! Please! There's plenty of Clopin to go around!" he said, nervously chuckling.

"No! You can only belong to one! And that's to ME!" Kamaria growled, tugging him towards her.

"NO! HE'S MINE!" Nysa cried, grabbing him.

"MINE!" Kamaria shouted.

"MINE!" Chesna screamed.

Meanwhile, Esmeralda was watching the tug-of-war match with great amusement, annoyance, and anger. How dare these slutty gypsies fight over her best friend?

"All three of you are wrong! He's my best friend!" she shouted over the ruckus. However, they didn't hear her for at that moment Clopin let out a cry of pain.

"He's been wounded!" Chesna sobbed dramatically.

"JESUS CHRIST THAT HURT!" Clopin yelled, massaging his arm. Kamaria slapped him on the head. "You idiot!" she shrieked, "We're a polytheistic group of nomads!" If crickets had been in the Court of Miracles, they would've been chirping.

"What?" Kamaria asked defensively.

"I didn't know you're range of vocabulary so vast!" Nysa said, clearly impressed.

"That's not the point! The point is, which one of us will Clopin marry?" Chesna asked, bringing them back to reality with a sickening crash.

"None of you! He obviously is a lot closer to me!" Esmeralda put in.

"That's what you think, bitch!" Nysa cackled, tackling Esmeralda to the ground. As the fight ensued, Chesna and Kamaria continued to have a tug-of-war battle with Clopin.

"Um, my shoulder?" Clopin said, wincing as he was being fought over by raving teenage girls. They completely ignored him though, determined to win his love.

"CLOPIN IS MINE!"

"NO HE'S MINE!"

"MINE!"

"MINE!"

Finally, the Prince had had enough. Sucking as much as he could into his lungs, he bellowed "BE QUIET!" Everyone froze, gaping in shock. As far as they could remember, Clopin had never yelled.

"Look. You guys have been fighting over me so badly that my shoulder got dislocated!" Just like PMS, the girls had a mood swing faster than Frollo could arrest a gypsy.

"You poor baby! Here, I'll make it better!" Nysa soothed, kissing it.

"No! I will!" Chesna cried defiantly. She took hold of his arm firmly. And by firmly, it meant nearly cutting circulation off to Clopin's hand.

"This is gonna hurt," she warned.

"More than your grip on my arm?" Clopin asked.

Without responding, she quickly pushed his arm upward and there was a loud click, signaling that his arm was back in place.

"AHHHHHHHHHH!" Clopin cried.

"You bitch! You made him in more pain!" the trio of girls shrieked, tackling Chesna to the ground.

"Clopin my love! SAVE ME!" she squealed as she was beaten to a pulp. Clopin thought desperately. He HAD to figure out a way to change these girls' minds about them. Sadly, it would have to include Esmeralda too. Even though they were best friends, she was showing signs of caring for him too much.

"There's going to be no Princess of Gypsies," he said calmly.

"WHAT?!" they yelped.

"That's right. I want another Prince," Clopin said proudly.

Esmeralda, Nysa, Kamaria, and Chesna all exchanged looks of horror.

"You mean you like MEN?" they screeched.

Not wanting to here his answer, they passed out from shock.

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**A/N: Please review! I want to know what you think! **


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